Okay--several interesting negative things have been happening that are probably worth writing about:

1. The paper assignment and /reading each other's racial histories exercise. Again I have to ask, who am I empowering here? The white kids reading the "other" kids stories--delighting in guessing who it might be, while the deytails of their own lives go unnoticed. Scary thought.

Jaclyn read over Sabeela's paper and was careful to "other" her by speaking her name (when she knew she shouldn't and had been told not to). Sabeela was so embarrassed that she put her hands over her face. Although she told me later that she thought it Jacyln's problem and wished she (J) would have apologized, it did not happen. Neither of them were in class today. Hmm coincidence?? I spoke about what was going on in the performance studies group last night. . . got some interesting suggetsions.

2. So today there was a presentation by two black students on a topic that was not theirs but the group going on Thursday. Their project led to some interestinng discussion on what made itnerracial friendships so difficult. What stood out to me though was that the two used the presentation as a platfrom for sharing some pretty honest and disclosive stuff. I honestly think that THEIR sharing allowed some of the white students to sheare their own ignorance--and some humorus stories as well. What i wish Tinisha would have recognizie though, was that SHE was the one who had the power in that sense--the class was not going to move in the direction of disclosing more until she admitted her own feelings--not them.

Maybe i am wrong about this, but in this case I think not.

I did the interactive class the other day. The timing was a bit off, and the students didn't have prepared questions, but overall it was a goo dexpereince. It helps when you can keep the questions coming yourself. I am thinking that next time i will make sure that the class comes equipped with questions and that they are preared to talk in front of the camera. i have to be sensitive to the fact that they are not all comfortable there.

I have decided to do the midterm assessment with the center for teaching. This means that i have to think about what it is that i actually want to assess. Hmmm. I am thinking that an important area is going to be discussion in class and my ability to lead it in a productive manner. Another is to recognize resistance--mine and theirs. But how to assess that?? Learning?? All depends on what we are able to move in our own perceptions. We all need some kind of shift--right??

I am hoping to use this space as a place to post my relections, questions, trials and troubles as I try to teach this course for the first time. I have been reflecting constantly on my goals in this course: to engage students where they are at and to move them toward the realization that race is an issue for all of us, to address the fear that all of us feel and put it in a larger context of local and global power relations and come to understand that this is where real learning can take place--if we let it.

I am sure that I am never going to be totally satisfied with what happens in class. And--I have to deal with it. Someone will be hurt, many will be angry. I keep my focus on what they might learn from their anger and their fear. Mine too. I have already learned that I still hang on to some of my privilege--especially where it feels comfortable. But I have lost something being white, something that goes along with that invisibility of privilege--the sense of truly appreciating the worth of commnuity